Tired of your mundane life? Ready to be replaced faster than the drones you’ll be piloting? Wagner Group has just the job for you—assuming, of course, you don’t mind catastrophic leadership, a budget that barely covers toilet paper, and the occasional surprise obliteration by North Korean party crashers!
Requirements (aka: What You’ll Need to Get Killed for Us)
• Minimum 6-month commitment—or as long as your body parts remain intact.
• Age 22-40—because anyone older has learned better, and anyone younger isn’t that dumb yet.
• Clean psych and drug records—not that it matters; you’ll need a substance problem to tolerate command.
• No criminal record—we like our war crimes fresh, not pre-packaged.
• Valid passport and no travel bans—you’ll need one to escape when you realize what you’ve signed up for.
What Wagner Will Generously Provide (Sort Of)
• Training in UAV operations—because the last guys didn’t make it, and someone has to fly these things.
• Career growth! (Translation: You’ll be promoted once the guy ahead of you gets vaporized.)
• “Honest” salary of 240k+—assuming it ever gets paid and isn’t funneled into someone’s offshore account.
• Life and health insurance—that your next of kin might see, assuming the paperwork doesn’t mysteriously disappear.
• A breathtaking view of Africa! Mostly from ground level, often face-down.
Apply Now Before You’re Drafted Anyway!
📞 Call Center for the Terminally Gullible:
+1 202-456-6213
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